My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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