Small penises have feelings too.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
