Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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