I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
