just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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