I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Terrible idea I love it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
