Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
