Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
