I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
