I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
