worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
