Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
