oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
