Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
