i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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