He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
