Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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