she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
