1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
