I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
