His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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