Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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