I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
