I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
