Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is classic penis vs brain.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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