I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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