I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
