How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
