The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Randomize
