i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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