they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
