ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
