new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
