And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
