you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
