I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
