Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
