That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
