I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
