jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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