The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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