What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
