Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
