he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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