Someone shit on the floor
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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