just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
