I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
