I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
