Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
