If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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