The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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