I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
