Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
